Foddity

Policeman's pay lowered for mating dog.

2006-09-15T15:08:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

The officials in this story are really stupid. They lower the pay of a police officer because the dog he looks after for the department got pregnant. Now you may think his pay should be lowered as he didn’t take responsibility. That may kind of be true but if the officials really didn’t want the dog pregnant couldn’t they’ve just had her spayed? I guess so. So you officials why don’t you lower your pay also as you have had bad oversight on this one!

Please do not drive whilst masterbating!

2006-09-09T14:38:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This will be on this man’s most embarrassing moment’s list. He was found by police after crashing car and being unconscious with a vacuum pump attached to his penis. The man was taken to the hospital with head injuries. I wonder what head they are talking about? Please don’t try this at home; masturbating while driving can be very dangerous.

Hmm. Tastes just like macadamia nuts!

2006-09-06T16:47:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Now who would think macadamia nuts would look like crack cocaine? If even just one person tasted them they would run. I guess it might be a funny prop.

Girl falls asleep on flight then wakes up in same city she left from.

2006-09-02T19:24:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

A teenage girl gets on a flight from Malta to Sophia and happens to fall asleep on the plane and then wakes up back in Malta. How stupid are they? Isn’t it their company policy that the pilot is responsible for making sure all passengers have left the plane? Airline officials said that the plane was “not a place for sleeping.” I thought that was a big promotion thing is that passengers could sleep while they flew. Isn’t that why they give you that little pillow? I really think they should give this girl a refund as she had to pay $200 euros for another flight and lost four days in the mess.

Person get car towed in "fake" no parking zone.

2006-09-02T00:19:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This has got to be the best practical joke ever. Most likely teens stole a parking sign from somewhere else and then placed parking sign where parking was allowed. Then before people wake up for work the police come ticket and tow their cars. I guess some people were a little steamed when they tried to get to work that morning. I bet the cost of towing and tickets will be dropped but still missing a day of work for this costs money.

Please hikers, don't hug the cows.

2006-08-30T12:39:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Ok. How many of you people out there have to be told not to hug a cow? I can see hugging a cute cat but I mean does a cow even look huggable? No it don’t. Responding to unfortunate reports of unpleasant meetings between hikers and cattle along Switzerland’s Alpine Hiking Trails this summer, the Swiss Hiking Federation has laid down a few ground rules. DON’T HUG THE COWS! So hikers if a cow comes upon you while hiking walk away backwards and don’t turn your back to it or run, defiantly don’t try and hug it as cows really don’t like hugs and get very mad when that happens.

There's more than one way to clean up an oil spill.

2006-08-30T12:20:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

The prisoners are donating hair to help clean up a 220,000 liter oil spill. I think that prisoners that donated without question should be given a little bit shorted sentences for the donation. I don’t know how well hair picks up oil but I guess it probably has to be pretty good. They are also collecting feathers from birds to help clean up the mess.

Commuter has a blast with bridge!

2006-08-29T02:37:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is a great thing to do. I bet this guy was so excited to press the button to blow up the Woodrow Wilson Memorial Bridge. He won the selection to blow up the commuter’s nightmare bridge. What a lucky guy. He suffered a crushed hip during an accident on the bridge. Now he gets his revenge. When asked if he ever thought about blowing up the bridge he answered “Hasn't everybody in Washington, D.C.?” Good job Dan and great fun!

Technorati Tags:Woodrow Wilson Memorial Bridge, bridge, blast, bomb, news, blog

Woman tries to teach dog how to drive and fails.

2006-08-28T16:36:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This woman in Mongolia thought it was a good idea to teach her dog how to drive a car for whatever stupid reason. Then the dog got into his first car accident. There were no injuries however both vehicles were damaged. She said her dog was fond of watching her drive and thought well why not give the dog a try. My advice is lady please don’t let your dog drive, he can’t learn how.

Technorati Tags:news, blog, dog, driving, teach, stupidity

Don't throw that cell phone away, join the cell phone throwing contest!

2006-08-27T16:59:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle's Comments:

This sounds like a very fun contest. All you need to do is throw that cell phone you hate as far as you can. The contest drew 100 throwers. When the events are done they recycle the discarded phones. Lassi Etelatalo took the gold medal by storm with an 89 meter throw. Dutchman Elie Rugthoven did a cell phone juggling act that helped win the silver medal. I hope everyone had fun even though this is a little odd kind of sport. Who knows they just might add this one to the Olympics.

Technorati Tags:cell phone, sprint, nokia, news, blog, olympics, sport, throw, throwing

Remember kids dont throw your winning lotto tickets away!

2006-08-26T16:47:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Going through the trash for winning lotto tickets isn’t the kind of job I would like but this guy found a winning one. Then the guy who bought the ticket said the money was his as he “accidentally” threw it away. I have no idea how you “accidentally” throw away a million dollar winner but he did. As the guy who bought the ticket passed away during the litigation his estate collected $140,000. The guy who found the ticket wanted to settle before he passes away as he is 83 years old. If you find winning lotto tickets in the trash the old saying goes, “Finder’s keeper’s losers weepers”

Technorati Tags:lotto, lottery, tickets, news, blog, estate

"Snake on a Train" Coming to a theater near you!

2006-08-26T15:11:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

You know I’ve been seeing the trailers for the new movie “Snake on a Plane” and it seemed like it would have a very boring plot. The news article is a real life snake on a train. It got loose and went into the walls of the car and wont come out. Now the car has been put out of service. The reason I thought the “Snake on a Plane” plot was boring is there isn’t much to go with other than there are snakes loose on a plane and then scared people go crazy. All Hollywood drama. Overall snakes don’t attak people unless they are cornered and I just think they would try and hide away from the people in the cargo hold most likely. That would be boring! They really need to come with some new ideas for scary movies because this doesn’t cut the cake.

Technorati Tags:Snake on a Plane, Snake on a Train, snakes, snake, hollywood, moivies, trailer, plot, news

My cow has a foreign accent I swear!

2006-08-24T17:34:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Yes you can tell where a cow comes from just by its mooing accent. You know what I think? I think these farmers have WAY too much time on their hands! They say that cows from different parts of the country have different accents when they moo. I don’t know if I really believe this. They also say that maybe the cows pick up the accent from the bond they have with the farmer. Who knows? I guess more scientific research needs to be done and only god knows why.

Technorati Tags:news, blog, cows, accent, research, farmers, farm, farming, farms

No mom it's a bomb not a penis pump!

2006-08-23T16:22:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is sure funny. Guy traveling with his mom at the airport identified a penis pump as a bomb because he didn’t want his mother to know what it was. He has been charged with disorderly conduct. I sure hope security personnel can tell the difference between a penis pump and a bomb other wise we’re screwed in this war on terrorism..

Technorati Tags:bomb, penis, pump, news, humor, turkey

Teen could get seven years for impersonating journalist.

2006-08-21T20:39:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Yes he could get seven years for this one. He’s being charged with criminal possession of a forged instrument, falsifying business records, larceny, criminal possession of stolen property, criminal impersonation and criminal trespass. I really doubt he will get that though. If I were a judge I would just give him some community service, maybe like passing out fliers at the game! Now the guards that looked at these fake passes should be fired. Those are the guys that are really stupid here. Can’t they tell a fake pass when they see one? In this day and age of terrorism you think that they would be able to tell who should be there and who shouldn’t.

Technorati Tags:news, mets, baseball, new york, journalism, fake id

The one day marriage.

2006-08-21T13:09:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

You really have to laugh at this poor guy. He made the mistake of saying “I divorce you” to his wife 3 times while he was drunk. Now his wife has to get married to another guy before they get remarried for at least 1 whole day. I just wonder under Islamic law does she have to actually consummate the marriage?

Technorati Tags:news, islam, sex, marriage, india

Brand new blog about baby panda.

2006-08-21T12:54:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Well this could be the world’s most boring blog. It is a blog about the baby panda who is only a week old. The panda blog is designed and written in a childish style. I don’t know if I’ll be heading out to this blog soon but welcome to the blogsphere, yet unnamed panda!

Technorati Tags:blog, blogging, weblog, china, panda, baby

Put up a sign that says, “Falling Cows”.

2006-08-20T21:49:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

The woman almost got hit by a falling cow while sunbathing on Britain's Isle of Wight. She heard a loud thud. She turned around and saw the cow falling from the overhead cliffs. The farmer who owns the cows and land above the cliff said it was very sad accident but that the area above is environmentally protected area so they cannot erect a fence. My advice is get one of those invisible fences for dogs and find special collars for the cows that would shock them if they get too close to the edge. Then the cows would still be able to roam up there and catch the ocean cooled air they so much enjoy.

Technorati Tags:cows, falling, cliff, news, Current Affairs, humor, random

Man has "hard" decision to make!

2006-08-19T19:00:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is a very tough decision as he’s going to have to choose what one he’s going to keep. I probably would tell him to keep the bigger one. In the article it says they are both fully functional so what’s the problem? He could just keep them both and be “double the trouble”. They say the surgery is going to be tricky as they have to keep the blood flowing to the remaining one. I got one last question. If he decided to keep them both and later on in life he needed Viagra would he get a double prescription?

Technorati Tags:penis, double, surgery, viagra, ouch

Island of Japan offering award for getting slimmer. Great prizes!

2006-08-18T13:15:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

If you live on Okinawa you too could win for losing the most weight. Great prizes like recognition from the mayor or even health club vouchers! Yey! They say the diet of Okinawa has changed since WWII when burger eating Americans came to the island and have been stationed there ever since. They also say they drink more now on this island as they use cars instead of trains now. People can drink and eat all night long instead of having to wait for the train. Sign up now for your great prizes!

Technorati Tags:Okinawa, japan, fat, overwieght, lifesytle, prizes, award

Man gets stuck in chocolate.

2006-08-18T12:52:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Please don’t stand in the chocolate! It tends to get real sticky. A man while trying to unplug a vat of chocolate stands in the vat and gets stuck. Then the fire department has to come out and they couldn’t set him free until they thinned the chocolate. This is one weird story.

Technorati Tags:chocolate, vat, factory

Workers find Virgin Mary chocolate drippings at chocolate facory.

2006-08-18T00:17:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is another eBay case. This piece of chocolate will most likely end up on eBay. Workers at Workers at Angiano's gourmet chocolate company found this likeness of the Virgin Mary under a vat at the factory. It is a 2 inch column of chocolate drippings. Angiano who owns the factory with her sister is start struck finding this. I think eBay is going to be busy at the auction of this one. Remember the first Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich? I sure do and it sold for a bundle. This piece will defiantly taste better than a grilled cheese sandwich plus chocolate connoisseurs will just love this item.

Technorati Tags:virgin, mary, virgin mary, connoisseur, chocolate, ebay

Three million dollar reward for finding The King.

2006-08-17T15:02:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Well now if you find Elvis you are going to be one rich man. They say the odds of actually paying this reward out are 1000:1. That is surly better than playing the lottery. They said that 75% of people think Elvis is dead and only 25% of people think he’s still alive. They started a website where you can read about the reward at www.elviswanted.com.

Technorati Tags:elvis, the king, rock and roll, elvis still alive, music, song, reward

This is one stiff drink, stiff on your wallet that is!

2006-08-16T17:48:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is one pricey drink. They sure have gone over the top with this one! It features 200 year old cognac, and flakes of gold. At a price of 500 euros it better taste good! Just don’t let your friends order on your tab at this bar! Some of the bars are also popping a diamond ring into the cognac drink. I guess this would be the drink to buy your lady so that you could propose to her.

Technorati Tags:cognac, pricey, gold, rich, unique, bar, liquor, drink

Who knew that running backwards could be so much fun?

2006-08-16T13:37:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Yes the fun new sport of running backwards. Great for your leg muscles and a sure challenge for your neck strain. I have no idea why anyone would want to do this. It seems like it would be fun for the first kilometer and then it would wear itself out very quick. They call this “retro running”. Almost like it had been in style 20 years ago. Inaebnit thinks that running backwards up a mountain is great. I say it just might help you out as you won’t be able to see how far you got to go. It takes the runners almost twice as long to run the same distance backwards but I bet they’ll be able to cut that once they get more trained in this new sport.

Technorati Tags:sport, running, sports, running backward, mountain, swiss alps, race, backward, backwards, retro, retro running

Man drinks potion for bad luck then dies.

2006-08-16T13:10:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

My advice is when going to Peru don’t drink any good luck potions. I mean who knows what the shaman will put into it. They even say that the real shamans put San Pedro in some of the potions. That could lead to a very bad trip my friend.

Technorati Tags:Peru, Shaman, potion, bad luck, unlucky, brew

Is that really David Copperfield? Wow he only looks 20 now.

2006-08-15T18:20:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Well looks like the search is over. David Copperfield has found the fountain of youth. He says it’s on one of his islands in the Exuma chain. He says if you drop a dead leaf in the water it will turn green again and look alive. I think I want some more tests done before I believe him though. Copperfield turns 50 next month but I guess we’ll never know that because he will only look 20 by the next time we see him on TV doing his magic.

Technorati Tags:fountian, youth, fountian of youth, David, Copperfield, David Copperfield, magic, Magician, Illutionist

Better start saving now because you wont have a job soon.

2006-08-15T17:47:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is a very insensitive company to work for. They hand out a booklet that tells you how to save money because they are going to lay you off in the near future just so they can make more money. The title of the hand book is “Preparing for a Financial Setback”. Some of the tips include taking stuff out of trash and shopping at thrift stores. I guess that’s great advice huh? Well the company has stooped to the lowest level it could.

Technorati Tags: northwest, airlines, layoff, setback, insensitive

Honey, that detour seems a little long.

2006-08-15T01:06:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Wow at the price of gas right now that’s like almost a $10 detour! I bet motorists that find this out will be a little ticked. They made you detour 50 miles just so that the small town of Princeton won’t have higher traffic levels! They say the roads aren’t safe for higher traffic levels but I bet they are just fine. You know people touring are usually from a few hundred miles of there and are quite accustomed to rural highways. You know they should just have a voucher for this detour to pay for the extra gas!

Technorati Tags:detour, wisconsin, princeton, miles, traffic, gas

Subsidy’s for the well off!

2006-08-15T00:47:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Why would they want people that only make $160,000 in their neighborhood? Well so they can work for them that’s why! They are going to subsidize these houses costing $500,000 for people that make $160,000yr. I guess it’s a good deal for the people moving in but that’s the old saying “The rich get richer and the poor get poorer” I really don’t consider you poor if you ONLY make $160,000 a year. In my area your doing quite well if you make more than $60,000 a year. Wish we could get our bills paid by the city!

Technorati Tags:rich, subsidize, housing, Santa Barbara

If drinking and driving is bad, is driving while having a baby worse?

2006-08-14T19:09:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Things not to do drive yourself to hospital while having baby. I think that would top most women’s list but unfortunately for this woman she did just that. Then she had a strong contraction and lost control of the car and crashed. What’s worse is she was canal bank and her car was partially submerged. Then a police officer came by and saw her poking her head from the tall grass and helped her out. She only suffered a broken leg and the baby was unhurt. Ladies just add this to your not to do list as I wouldn’t want anyone’s newborn baby hurt. Looks like this lady and her baby will do fine.

Technorati Tags:hospital, baby, driving, police, newborn, crash

If your depressed just say, "I do"

2006-08-13T15:54:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Who would have thought that getting married would make you a happier person? I guess it really only matters if you are already depressed. They say that people who are depressed just might need some intimacy but on the other hand if you’re happy-go-lucky it could have to exact opposite effect. So if your depressed just get married but if your happy then don’t say, “I do”

Technorati Tags: depressed, depression, happy, happiness, marry, marriage, intimacy

Yumm chocolate covered ants, Rumored to work just like viagra!

2006-08-13T15:25:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This food has a giant yuck factor, but it may be worth the try. People of northern Colombia say they help you out just like Viagra does. I guess that just might be a promotion gimmick. In France they are called “caviar of Santander” where they fetch a price of $11 a pound. I’ve always said that insects just might be the world next food source and it would be just like common snack foods like potato chips.

Technorati Tags:ants, caviar, chocolate, insects, viagra, colombia, potato, chips

I think my tree sprang a leak!

2006-08-12T14:36:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What luck! Your tree springs a leak and the “experts” can’t figure it out. I see eBay all over this! This lady is going to make a killing selling this water! Some think it just might be an artesian spring others think a water line might have burst. Whatever it is, it sure is eBay material! Good luck with the sales Lucille!

Related Tags: ebay, tree, artesian, spring

A speeding ticket a day keeps the boss happy.

2006-08-12T14:26:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This lady needs to start leaving earlier for client meetings. Like way earlier. This is the type of person that just may have high blood pressure problems. Although I have some advice for her, contact Guinness and see if you have broken an official record. You at least will then have your fifteen minutes of fame.

Council approves funding for fire truck and then forgets it ever did.

2006-08-11T18:57:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

You know Pottstown, PA residents should vote these guys out of office next election. I mean I have read so many stories of politicians not even reading legislation that they are voting for or even showing up for few votes. We should support a PAY FOR PERFORMANCE legislation. I mean if you can’t even show up for votes then you don’t deserve to get paid! These guys forgot they had approved an authorization for a fire truck and had to go back to the transcripts to see they in fact did authorize it. Then said well we did authorize it so that’s what we’ll go by.

Teen's worm sales squished by zoning board.

2006-08-11T18:45:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is horrific. I mean the kid wants to make a little pocket change and he sure works hard for it. Now they want to take down his sign because of zoning laws. I used to think that this was a free country but with so many useless laws like this. Who can truly be free if your kid can’t even sell earthworms? No one.

Central Park squirrel has gone nuts.

2006-08-11T13:32:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Sounds like a rabies story. This disease is pretty rare nowadays but these are classic symptoms of it. The animal infected with rabies bites, and is unafraid of humans. They said the squirrel died and that to me is a clear indication the squirrel had rabies. They will most likely have to give all bitten and scratched a rabies vaccination. Poor fellows too as those shots are very painful.

Man pays parking ticket after 60 years.

2006-08-11T13:20:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is a very heartwarming story. A guy finds a $1 parking ticket he forgot to send in from 1946. Then he sends in a money order to the police department that issued it after 60 years of being unpaid. But this is the best quote of the article, "At my age, when I go out of here, I don't want to owe anyone a dime.” That is a great idea guy. Yeah you don’t want to owe anyone, anything! The police department says it will not cash the money order and will keep it and display it in the department’s museum.

Bible study group sees indecent buns at bakery.

2006-08-10T21:26:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This bakery had a fun time with this incident. A teen get drunk and then gets naked in the bakery. Then he walks out the door and sits on the curb outside all the while the bakery has a bible study group as customers. That is funny. Well I’d just advise the bible study people to try and convince the poor guy to go to an AA meeting or something.

Lobster pickpockets man as he takes a late night swim.

2006-08-10T19:26:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What are the chances of this happening? After a late night dip in the sea a poor fellow lost his wallet. Then a diver finds his wallet clasped inside a lobster’s claws. Now that’s what I call a pick pocketing lobster! Well every thing worked out because the diver contacted him and told him of the strange tale. Don’t worry about this lobster doing it again as he has been eaten.

Man in Japan makes over 905 calls a day to "kind" voices.

2006-08-10T14:17:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

I mean that’s a lot of calls! Just one thing though, how did he cause mental distress to over 100 telephone operators? I mean if they were worried about it they had his number and could have called authorities right away. He was making 905 calls a day. I just wonder how he was even able to eat dinner making that many calls.

Mayor doesn't want to mow lawn.

2006-08-10T00:15:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This guy is awesome! Yes there are much better things to do than mow the grass. In my town the length of grass was allowed to be 12 inches. That is a very liberal length limit. I used to live at a place that wanted a 4 inch length limit. That meant you were mowing every other day and they would actually come out and measure it just so they could get fines. That really sucked! So what if the grass grows long? People just don’t have quite the amount of time they used to. Plus it saves on gas that is over $3.00 a gallon.

If you plan to rob a 7-11 make sure you have enough gas for a getaway.

2006-08-09T19:14:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Another stupid criminal story. This time the guy didn’t check to see if his gas tank had enough gas for the getaway. I guess if you plan to rob a 7-11 make sure you have enough gas to get away. I’d recommend at least a full tank as you never know how far you’ll have to run. Just my two cents.

What year were the September 11th attacks, sonny? I can't seem to remember!

2006-08-09T13:11:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What this poll data shows is that a lot of Americans are having signs of Alzheimer's. I mean a lot of the people that couldn’t remember the year are older Americans. That means in another 10 years 30% of the population will not even know who they are let alone any dates.

Grandma forgotten in bank vault for four hours.

2006-08-09T13:02:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

How could this happen? Don’t they inspect the vault before they close it to make sure all is secure? I mean this is bad. In the article it says they will give her further non-financial compensation. I would be right off to court to sue and even maybe charges of false imprisonment. Well good thing she didn’t have a medical situation while she was in there.

Beware of the killer sturgeon!

2006-08-08T21:02:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Now these fish can get big! Although the chances of you getting hit as one jumps out of the water while riding a jet ski are slim! I really doubt accidents occur once or twice a year but I really don’t know. I just think it would be really, really rare for this type of fish to jump and hit someone bad enough for someone to be airlifted to the hospital. Anyway I just hope that I catch one of these fish this year!

Get your flight to Auckland soon for the topless porn star parade!

2006-08-08T20:53:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Yeah get your tickets to Auckland and visit the parade. I think I need to get seat fast. With this kind of parade it will attract 1000’s I’m sure. Maybe some year in the future they will televise it!

Whoa how did that tattoo get there?

2006-08-08T20:45:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What does she mean this isn’t domestic assault? I mean the guy left a tattoo she didn’t want on her ankle. She told him that she didn’t want a tattoo and he put it on her while she was intoxicated on sleeping pills she took the night before. The guy at least should have to pay for it to be removed and a fine.

Good Penetrations.

2006-08-08T15:48:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

I got a great idea for the advertising of these condoms. They could use that song “good vibrations” for song background in the commercial. I know bad taste for Thailand. They’re worried there that youngsters could be lured into having sex with the name “Tom Dundee” as the name brand of condoms witch means in Thai “Good Penetration”

My lawyer is drunk, declare a mistrial judge!

2006-08-08T15:34:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Going to work drunk is no fun this lawyer found out. I have no idea how he thought he could do his job so drunk. They called in the court nurse to give him a breathalyzer test. Then the judge had to declare a mistrial. This might work out for the defendant though. His blood alcohol was .075. That’s really not very drunk but maybe really affected his job performance enough that someone could tell.

Five year old hobo!

2006-08-07T17:33:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

I don’t know how this story got on the newswire but it doesn’t strike me ass odd that a 5 year old boy would do this. I really hope he had an enjoyable ride and I am glad his parents found him quickly.

Massage therapist has sex with husband. Now facing court!

2006-08-07T17:13:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Well my problem with this story isn’t the fact that he’s her husband but the fact that she couldn’t have sex with anyone she chooses. I mean they’re both adults. Who is the state protecting? Themselves that’s who. I think two people that want to have sex and are over 18 should be able to do just that without threatening a person’s way of living aka “professional license”. That’s my two cents!

Tired of anger management? Well come on into the anger release bar!

2006-08-07T11:04:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

“Not having a good day? Got fired from that worthless job of yours? Wife nagging all the time? Well come on into the Anger Release Bar where you can make some good ol’ ass kicking! Our staff is always here to provide the best in anger release. Want to beat up a woman? Our staff will gladly dress as woman, additional charge applies.” This has got to be one of the craziest stories I’ve seen for awhile. But it seems like they’re having bumper business. I’m Just wondering where they found 20 guys willing to be punched all day long.

Johnsonville Brats! Johnsonville Brats! Come get Johnsonville Brats!

2006-08-06T16:54:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Kobayashi packed down a whopping 58 brats and buns to win a prize of $8000 then settled in for a night of pure pain. I just don’t get this competitive eating stuff. I mean it is torture just for the chance of being the person who can eat the most “fill in the blanks”. You get your name in the paper and very lousy prize at most of these events anyway. I’ve actually heard rumors of people getting injured doing this but haven’t verified it so any readers out there have a verified story of someone getting injured please comment and provide a link.

The Magical Floating Bed Trick.

2006-08-06T01:13:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What’s cooler than this? This is a totally sci-fi bed. It hovers above the floor. The manufacturer says that if you get in-between the magnets and you have a piercing it may pull on your accessories. OUCH! But other than that it seems real cool. I just wonder how well it will hold up while doing the deed. I guess I’ll never know until I try one but I don’t think I’ll ever have the 1.2 million euros to try it.

Scientific Breakthrough for the Stupid!

2006-08-05T12:56:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

They are going to make a killing on these if they perfect them. I mean how many people can you think of that need a few of these? Must be 5 at least. Now they will be able to remember things for the short term and appear to be smart. Doctor’s offices will be full for years after FDA approval.

This slot machine is ten times as fun to play!

2006-08-04T16:52:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comment’s:

This casino lost a ton of money in putting this machine on the gaming floor. $487,000 must have meant that a lot of players sat down and had an automatic win. The name of the slot machine speaks volumes of what happened. Dubbed “Extra Money”, that is an understatement! I wonder how many people want to turn back in their “Extra Money”?

Now you can get your business logo on a M&M. What will they think of next?

2006-08-04T14:36:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is great business idea. I think this will really take off well. I mean the M&M’s brand is known world wide. Now you too can have your business logo on a M&M. I bet it wont be long before someone proposes by handing his fiancée a handful of M&M’s that say “Will you marry me?” The cost of the M&M’s in this program is reasonable also so they will have lots of business!

First ever European Masturbate-a-thon!

2006-08-04T13:46:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Now I got a great question for everyone. How are they going to police this one? I mean they are quite safe with the guy’s knowing when they “got there” but with the women how are they going to even be able to tell? Anyway the money is going to a good cause. So people of the Masturbate-a-thon have a good whack session!

Place your bets, when will Castro Die?

2006-08-04T13:36:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

When will Castro die? That the million dollar question. Now an online betting site is taking bet so have your money ready. I just wonder how they’re going to pay out if Cuba doesn’t announce his death. I mean with such little corroborated new coming out of Cuba how are they going to be sure of the exact day? I mean the people betting on the month are probably safe but the people betting on the exact day are taking a huge gamble but that what gambling is anyway.

I wrote all these tickets and all I got was this lousy T-shirt

2006-08-03T17:59:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is bad, really bad. They should offer no incentives for police to write tickets. Not only is it a waste of taxpayer money but it tarnishes their standards. I hope they cancel this program ASAP!

I've sat down and I cant get up!

2006-08-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This must have been a funny police/fire department call. Poor lady is stuck to the toilet seat by super glue. All I can say is OUCH! She says she has burns from it most likely from the finger nail polish remover and the stickiness of the glue placed on the seat. I really hope she’ll be ok.

Killer honeybees now!

2006-08-03T13:24:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Poor boy. I guess you really can’t train for this like they said. That boy better watch out the next time he plans on running into a tree with his bike. The absolute best quote from this article is "They don't like to be jostled,” That certainly is an understatement!

Have sex with me or I'll call the police!

2006-08-03T12:23:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This must have been the lighter side of the policeman’s night. I can see it, them laughing when they left this call. I bet this couple is the butt of jokes now at the police station. Oh well not having sex with your husband/wife is still not a crime.

I wonder who left this gun on the toilet?

2006-08-03T11:22:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

They won’t cite this guy. Why not? If a kid had walked in the bathroom it might have been bad. Good thing it was just an employee that found it. This security officer might be just a little dangerous leaving things like this around

These are fire fleas I tell ya!

2006-08-02T23:49:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

I pray for these poor fire fighters. I mean they have to sleep there and the fleas will bite them all night long. This place where they caught them must have been in awful condition before the fire to have so many fleas. I just hope they can find an exterminator that can get rid of them all.

Freedom Fries gone, French Fries back on menu.

2006-08-02T17:40:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s comments:

Well that name didn’t stick very long did it? Well only a few years. I guess us Americans just can get used to the term “Freedom Fries” and we like French fries WAY better. Who would of though that?

The icecap is melting so we're going to make beer from it.

2006-08-02T12:47:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This beer might actually sell well with this sales pitch but I think it will most likely just taste like the rest of the beer out there. I really don’t think where you get the water actually makes one bit of difference if the water is clean. I can already see the commercials of guys drinking beer on an iceberg.

I bet that knife goes down well with a little soda and chips.

2006-08-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

All I can say is OUCH! I never heard that metal knifes were on the food pyramid. I bet it must have awfully hurt a lot to swallow this. You know you’re supposed to eat with the spoon, not eat the spoon! I hope this guy learns better eating practices.

No Bears are not allowed in our casino, even if our commercial says they can!

2006-08-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This one is funny. The doors to a casino were open and a bear walks one in. And coincidence has it they ran a commercial where a bear walks in and gets fed.
They said they would have to pay more attention to security. That’s a real no-brainer!

I'll just leave my checkbook with ya.

2006-08-01T21:17:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Well these criminals keep getting dumber and dumber. This guy leaves his checkbook right at the scene of the crime with the teller. How did he think he wouldn’t get caught doing that? Now that’s what I call a paper trail if there ever was one!

Hey Doc would you remove a few fingers or maybe even a limb for me? They'll sure feel sorry for me!

2006-08-01T18:19:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This is a horrifying way to earn money. First go to the Dr. and have a couple fingers and maybe even a limb removed, then go out and beg for money. I just think none of these guys earn enough to make it worth it. And about these Dr’s, should be thrown right into jail. If possible maybe they should have a finger or 2 cut off just for good measure.

99 bottles of beer on the wall.. 99 bottles of beer...

2006-08-01T13:18:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What did this guy want to do, do a remake of the titanic? He was very drunk when they caught him. Anyone’s guess why he would show up at work so drunk. Well pass that beer around

Can I check your ID?..... Hey thats me!

2006-07-31T21:01:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Wow. Yeah the odds of this happening are astronomical! She did the right thing by calling police as I would have slapped her or something of that sort. Plus she probably was involved in the theft of $1000 from her credit card. You know identity theft takes awhile to get all sorted out and is a total headache.

Shh. Quiet please don't disrepect the dead, fish that is.

2006-07-31T12:07:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Well this weird game actually sounds like what they claim as “the most fun a person could have with a dead fish.” is actually true. Now the animal rights people say this is disrespectful to dead fish. I think if that’s the case, why we don’t donate some huge piece of land for a very nice fish cemetery. Then fish then could rest in total peace knowing that they won’t be used to knock a guy off a block.

Way too much scientific research to do, so much I havent seen a movie in 50 years!

2006-07-31T10:18:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Whew 50 years without a movie? Darn what cave has this guy been living in? He’s missing out on all the greatest special effects! 50 years, shoot wasn’t that just when they had silent black and white movies? Nah that might have been a little longer ago but I know it was black and white. I suggest he just go on out and see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie ASAP!

I got a $420 brick to sell you.

2006-07-30T22:16:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

It all started with a Jesus image laden grilled cheese sandwich. Now it $420 for a brick smashed thru a window. What people will pay for odd stuff. How bout I sell a HD that crashed while surfing eBay? What you guy’s think I’d get for that?

Sewage water, tastes great less filling!

2006-07-29T23:12:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Actually sewage water treated in the proper ways it totally safe to drink. I have no idea why they wouldn’t want an extra source of water. I guess it is the "yuck factor" but there is just no yuck to it.

Thats gotta hurt!

2006-07-29T14:27:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

It must have bit him inside the mouth. What was this guy thinking? Just a completely weird way of punishing your pet rooster. I wouldn’t put him in jail; I’d just send him straight to the psych ward!

Can a man in a chicken suit get a break?

2006-07-28T18:33:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Looks like he can’t. He’s getting bottle rockets shot at him from a guy in a mask. lol It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt, then it’s hilarious! He almost poked this guys eye’s out, didn’t he expect to go to jail?

Less you feed him, the better you look... Really!

2006-07-28T15:15:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

That may be just one way you can get the man of your dreams. Just feed him one piece of bread for dinner and you’ll look much better! Now I’ve heard of beer goggles but this must be starvation goggles.

Save the penny!

2006-07-28T11:48:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

I know this is a little of track as it isn’t odd news, but once it is a slow day we’ll do it. The penny has been around for an awful long time and I really think we can save it. All we have to do is borrow an idea I got from Mexico. They have a 1/10 of a peso coin. They are not even worth a penny here. They use aluminum to mint the coin out of. So all we really have to do is just change the metal we mint them in. I know it will take awhile for people to adjust to the new look as it wont be a copper look, but hey we’d sill have our beloved penny. Just my two cents for ya!

My hearse is for chickens... uh huh

2006-07-28T10:58:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

I just hope that once the chickens got a proper ride they will get a 21 gun salute as well! They made it so you get a $200 deduction and people just couldn’t resist themselves. Now they’ll probably have to go through all the registrations. Good thing New Zealand is a small country.

How do you use that tool, Pricasso?

2006-07-27T22:26:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This story is great. But why tell everyone what tool you use? I’m sure he’ll make a lot of good Monet this way though. Real unique selling point. Good Job Pricasso!

More jelly beans than you can lift.

2006-07-27T17:19:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Just like winning the lottery! You know the gourmet Jelly Belly jelly beans fetch about $10 per pound so winning this is like winning $2880. I just hope he doesn’t eat them all! Anyway he really says he only weighs 278 lbs but they must have weighed him with an accurate scale as they get their scales checked most likely on a bi monthly schedule. I suggest he get his fill on the beans and just donate them to charity instead of making his family and friends fat.

I'm gangsta viagra!

2006-07-27T16:29:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle's Comments:

Wow, now we have gangs selling Viagra! Gang member probably stand around old folks homes and deal. “Hey gramps need “The Stuff””. $220,000 that’s a lot of boners!

I'm building a bar at The Southern State Correctional Facility... Just have to get the paper work in order.

2006-07-27T15:36:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This one is funny. Do you think if they approved this, this guy would have actually tried to set up shop? Well maybe he had a trash can filled with potatoes in his cell and he wanted to legally get rid of it!

3.5lbs of pain.

2006-07-26T17:42:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments

I can only imagine the pain, both of eating it and also excreting it… All I can say is ouch. Plus if any of those baggies popped you’d be on the worst high of your life! I mean this guy swallowed 3.5lbs that’s a meal that even a 300lb man has trouble getting down.

I guess even pro spellers cant spell anymore.

2006-07-26T15:50:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Spend more time on your product guys! What ever happened to proofreading? I know this place probably put this product together so quick so they could make a buck. I guess the ol mighty dollar wins again! My advice is talent scout a spelling bee.

You know my number you know where I live just come get me.

2006-07-26T12:24:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This guy must be near retarded. I mean, "Hey just come find me at the jail when u want to charge me", should have been written on there as well! Some criminals are very stupid! This guy should have just sent a pre addressed, postage prepaid return envelope! Hey kids paint chips are not on the food pyramid.

Man starts long and very slow drive!

2006-07-26T11:24:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

This actually sounds fun but boy he’s sure in for a looooooooooong ride! Next I would like to see a guy cross country on a riding lawn mower! I wonder if it more expensive on gas than driving? If it is it’ll sure cost him a lot with the high gas prices this week!

How many licks does it take?

2006-07-26T01:47:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle's Comments:

Looks like only one good suck will put you in jail… I have no idea how he committed a crime as he asked her permission first and she said it was ok. I bet they’ll just throw this one out of court. I’m just hoping she had clean feet! Dirty feet are more of a crime than this guy committed.

Please check your guns for bullets before cleaning

2006-07-25T21:45:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

What was he thinking not to check if the gun was unloaded before cleaning it? Isn’t that the first thing you do when cleaning a gun? Lucky he didn’t hit some more important parts on his lower body!

The Late Dharam Pal..... Really late that is!

2006-07-25T21:30:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:
How would you like if your employer considered u dead for showing up late? Like a few years late? lol That’s what’s happened to this poor soul and his family really thought he was dead. I’m glad they report someone here just as missing money when you have a back check.

The Inflatable Husband

2006-07-25T18:10:00.000-05:00

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Vargoyle’s Comments:

Shoot these have been around for along time. I was in line checking out at Spencers gifts one evening and saw a lady buying one. They call it “The Inflatable Husband”